Finding Masculinity by Alexander Walker and Emmett J.P. Lundberg

Finding Masculinity by co-editors Alexander Walker and Emmett J.P. Lundberg is a collection of short autobiographical essays on various topics relating to transitioning to male after being born and socialized as female.

The foreword speaks whole-heartedly of what great things can be gained from what can be a very challenging and difficult time for a transitioning person. "Transition taught me introspection and self-awareness, to honor the truths that live inside of me, and to recognize my fears and still leap." But the process itself, including the years of living as female prior to transition, can be extremely difficult. Even post-transition there are challenges. The first account is that of Harvey Katz. He explains:

"I have always existed as a whole but my life has been fractured into a schizophrenic retelling. When you're trans, to the people around you there will always be two lives: the one that you live, and the one that you lived."

Co-Editor, Emmett J.P. Lundberg

I hadn't previously thought of it, but one account in the book mentions how after they transitioned, Facebook friends would still tag old photos of them when they presented and/or identified as female which felt like an invalidation of who they knew themselves to be. It's hard to live a new life when the old one keeps bubbling up, perhaps "outing" you to people who wouldn't otherwise have known you were transgender.

Co-Editor, Alexander Walker

As I read this book on my kindle, I highlighted more sentences, phrases and paragraphs than I have in any other book. I found it humbling and amazing and exciting to be in the shoes of these brave men who have a life experience few of us can relate to. Mothers-turned-fathers, coworker/employer issues (and joys!), family turbulance (and joys!), church issues (and joys!), relationships etc. etc. etc. If there's anything you'll learn from this book it's that though each of its contributors was born female and transitioned to male, none of their stories are the same. They each struggled in their own ways, in their own groups and with different issues. They all have different backgrounds and interests. At their core, they're each incredibly inspiring men with touching stories we all could learn from.

Because I really want to share my six pages of highlights from the book, but because I also realize you have other things to do, I'll share just a few and trust you'll get your hands on a copy soon to experience the stories yourself. See my selections at the bottom of this post.

I would highly recommend this read. Finding Masculinity is perhaps one of the most genuine collective accounts of the human experience available. It's full of raw emotions, real people with real struggles and experiences who share in order to help others and inform the world around them. I'm pretty sure this book is full of heroes - at least that's how I see them.

You can borrow Finding Masculinity from a library near you or purchase it from Amazon.

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I understand the urgency felt by many trans folks to get this transition phase over with, for the fuzz of dysphoria to fade and for the reflection in the mirror to match the self-image. For me, I also found it important to recognize, honor, and treasure all the moments, the cringe-worthy and the affirming, during this heightened time of change.

- Nick Krieger

They also reassured me that my daughter would love me no matter what, and that for me to be the best parent I could be to her, first I needed to be happy. These fears stuck with me, but I knew that if I was going to be a stable parent I needed to be myself authentically.

- Gabe Pelz

It’s so easy to feel excited about living when your life feels like your own. After you’ve been trying for so long to make a square peg fit into a round hole, it’s utter liberation.

- Rae Larson

I knew without a doubt that my family loved me, but you can love someone and hurt them at the same time.

- Dylan Farnsworth

Despite being in a relationship, I knew I would never feel completely satisfied because something was missing in all my relationships: me.

- Ian Carter

By becoming an authentic version of themselves they were able to find a sense of inner peace that allowed them to and develop a happier sense of self.

-Editors Alexander Walker and Emmett J.P. Lundberg

It would be so much easier if I were born with the gender that my brain was configured with from the beginning, but I would have missed out on a perspective that has helped shape who I am today. I will always be happier that my story is a little different than the majority of folks.

- Will Krisanda

Through this process transitioning in the mental health field, I’ve come to learn to not be proud of what I do or earn for a living, but to be proud of my ability to overcome the darkest hours in my life and turn them into a beacon of light for someone else who is suffering.

- Ian Carter

Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott

I first heard of Anne Lamott through a recommendation made by my friend, Karin (who will also be reviewing for Book Savants). From the Facebook posts Karin would share with me, to the snippets I would read here and there, I knew I was in for a good read from the moment I opened Bird by Bird. And I wasn't disappointed. Bird by Bird is a realistic and honest account of writing and may be especially helpful for someone with tunnel vision set on publication.

The premise of Bird by Bird is, as its subtitle suggests, "Some Instructions on Writing and Life." The title comes from a time when her brother waited until the last minute (of a three month period) to begin working on an essay about birds. He was distraught at the kitchen table with unopened books and anxiety up to his ears. But their father encouraged him to just get started and take it "bird by bird."

Bird by Bird is a culmination of Anne Lamott's first-hand knowledge and experience of writing up to the point of its publishing. She offers tips and stories of the classes she's taught. She dispels myths about the process and offers real, undecorated advice that keeps the reader grounded. It's going to be tough, you'll probably suffer and in the end you might not get published. You might come so close to being published, but in the end be told to start over again anew. But the joy, Lamott suggests, comes in the writing process itself. You may not make a living writing, but you can learn to give wholly of yourself to the blank page. You can learn to appreciate the internal struggle of writing and committing to one story line versus another.

Author, Anne Lamott

For me, Bird by Bird was helpful in getting started. Lamott suggests focusing on a "one inch picture frame." Imagine a snapshot of a setting, or a character, or a small fraction of a scene and describe it. Just start writing. And if what you write tomorrow is totally unrelated, so be it. Eventually those snippets might reconnect in a plot that comes to you as you drive down the interstate or fly across the pond.

Also, dedicate time to writing. Every morning at 6 a.m. give it an hour. Or every evening at 9:00. Whatever you do, continue doing it. You might sit in agony for twenty minutes with a blank page and a busy mind but close your eyes, empty your internal voices and give it the time you've promised. Eventually it will become habit and trigger your mind to shift into its creative gear when you sit down.

Aside from the writing process, Lamott addresses the struggles writers go through with jealousy of other writers. Being a writer is more than producing written work. It's being human, experiencing the world, struggling with emotions and life and working hard to keep your chin up. And those struggles are often what can inspire our work, but we can't let them suffocate it.

Lamott's Bird by Bird has taught me a number of things, and I'm certain anyone who reads it will also walk away with something whether it be new motivation for writing or perhaps a different perspective on things. You don't have to be a writer to appreciate the lessons contained in Bird by Bird. And if you are a writer, I believe Lamott's advice that getting published isn't going to change your life and solve your problems. It's more important to focus on the journey and be the best artist you can be. Love yourself and love your work.

Now get out there and jump into a "shitty first draft" and tell your story.

You can find Bird by Bird at a library near you or purchase it on Amazon.

Orange is the New Black by Piper Kerman

I first heard of Orange is the New Black when season one came to Netflix. I wasn't aware it was based on a true story or that there was a book out there telling the tales. I had watched the first two seasons before finally discovering and beginning the book. And a week or so later I shut it with a new perspective.

If I could do over, I would read the book first to understand what inspired the show. I would have conjured images of these characters in my mind before seeing the casting choices and having that imagination robbed from me. This is the case with any book to film situation though.

Piper Kerman really did go to prison for her involvement with drug trade. And the relationship between Piper and her fiance was truly hard to maintain while in prison. And the characters she met were just as eccentric and unique as you'll meet on Netflix. For the most part, we see what Piper experienced on the screen as well.

Author, Piper Kerman

However, as TV shows do, we see a bit more violence and complexities in the Netflix series. And the depth of the post-imprisonment relationship between Piper and Alex is mostly fictional though they do actually reunite in a prison for court purposes prior to Piper's release.

My favorite thing about the book was that it was a raw truth. There was a wonderful, horrible, life-changing lesson that took place and through it all, Piper was able to maintain a good sense of self and humor. We learn with Piper and experience the shocking contrast of outside prison and inside prison. It prompts numerous thoughts such as the difficulty for some long-term prisoners to be released into a world they no longer recognize.

If you're a fan of the show, you should read the book. Jump into orange and see the origin of Piper's story by checking out the book from your local library or purchasing it on Amazon. Then head to Netflix to see the screen depiction which will not disappoint.

Bossypants by Tina Fey

Puberty, improv, breastfeeding, oh my!

Lately as I would traverse the town by foot, I would hurriedly put my headphones in and prepare myself for a few solid laughs before reaching my destination. No headphones, no problem. I'd put my phone to my ear on speaker held like a slice of toast. Sure, in the beginning I tried to limit the public laughter to avoid being seen as completely insane, but by the end I was laughing and smiling so much it hurt and didn't care who watched. Tina Fey is to blame.

I would highly recommend listening to Tina read her book Bossypants via the audiobook format. There's no other way to fully appreciate her intended accents here and there, the whispers, the tone of thoughts, etc. And who doesn't love hearing fantastic stories told by their owner? And many of the stories are only fantastic because Tina has an excellent sense of humor about what some of us might consider bad luck or life hiccups.

Author, Producer, Actress and
Comedian Tina Fey (without the hairy arms)

Did I mention Tina Fey is a mad fan of the gays? That makes it super easy for me to love her (and her audiobook) that much more. She doesn't hold back and try to be delicate about gay people. Instead she treats us like regular yet extraordinary average Joes and Joannes. Her telling of adventures with the lesbians and gays in the book come from a place of honesty and fondness.

I don't want to spoil any specifics of the stories as I encourage you to get a copy asap and listen to them yourself. But everything from improvisation group adventures to a honeymoon gone awry to the pre-college daze will have you giggling if you're modest and guffawing if you're obnoxious.

Fey has proved again that women can be funny. So she can shove that in her critics' tailpipes. And Tina, if you need a co-writer for Bossypants: The Movie (Or Musical) you know where to find me.

You can check out Bossypants (the audiobook) or Bossypants (the novel) from your local library or purchase the novel on Amazon.

Is It Just Me? by Miranda Hart

     Firstly: No, Miranda, it is most definitely not just you.

     Moving on: Miranda Hart's auto-biographical Is It Just Me? tells the tale of her growing up (which continues to this day). The wit and cleverness shown in her TV series shines clear through her writing as well and one can't help but laugh out loud at some of the pages. In fact there were many nights I fear I woke my husband from his slumber as I lay reading late into the night.

     Perhaps one of the most unique features of this book is that it holds conversation between the author and reader as well as between the present-day author and her 18-year-old self. This provides an interesting perspective into Hart's life then and now and, more importantly as a reader, makes one think back to our own youthful, ignorant days.

Author, Comedian and Actress Miranda Hart

     The main lesson of Is It Just Me? is to take things a little less seriously but never let go of your dreams and right to happiness. We live in a funny world that can sometimes seem not at all funny. But it's up to us to be ourselves, drop our shield and allow that raw exposure to our surroundings in order to give and get the most to and from the world.

     I highly recommend reflecting on memories past with Miranda Hart and taking a peek into your own mechanics and history. It's a quick but fantastic read that's sure to have you at least giggling if not rolling about and shouting in public (you'll understand when you read). Be sure to check for Is It Just Me? at your local library, on Amazon for your Kindle, as a paperback or hardcover. You can also purchase Miranda's enhanced e-book edition which includes 18 video sequences. And finally, if you haven't seen her TV series, you're missing out. Become a cultural vacuum or at least have a Miranda marathon and catch up with one my new personal favorites.

A Technique for Producing Ideas by James Webb Young

     Ideas are a new combination of old elements. We use our minds with existing resources to create something new, hopefully unique and perfect for our needs. James Webb Young (1886-1973) wrote this very short guide which could really be more of an essay. In one sit-down reading session, you'll learn more about the following five steps of the creative process that is idea-production.

1.      Gather. Specifically, gather raw materials. This would include information about your program/business/product in combination with your vernacular, experiences and knowledge. Looking to freshen your raw material supply? Take a look through the dictionary and see words as images and "short stories" as Webb puts it. A word, an experience, a memory won't necessarily make logical sense with your purpose just yet. A useful suggestion of Webb's is to write each piece of information (anything that comes to mind) on a 3x5 index card for the next step.
2.      Examine. Work the materials over in your mind. Imagine each piece of raw material as a jigsaw piece and turn it around and around with other pieces. How can two (or three or four) ideas fit together? Maybe they don't, but consider every angle of each idea and  perhaps a tangent will lead you to a new piece of raw material to consider.
3.      Incubation. After you've exhausted your mind in exploring all the possible combinations and maybe-cohesive materials, leave it be and let your unconscious mind take over. Keep your brain stimulated with music, film, exercise or even sleep. When you're finished, hopefully you'll be near step four.



Author James Webb Young

4.      Eureka! If you haven't already had an unexpected Eureka! moment, take a look again at what you left in step 3. Do you see it in a new way or do things appear differently than before? Are there new possibilities or things you hadn't considered during step 2? This is the step where you find your idea. It's rough around the edges but it's there and time to put up to the jury for criticism and collaboration. 
5.      Fine-tuning. Work with your partners (or by yourself) to see how your idea needs shaping and further development to exactly fit the needs and purposes of your original task.

     This simple five-step process can be successful if you're persistent and passionate about producing ideas and creative thinking. As with all things practice and experience bring progress and eventual success.

     You can find A Technique for Producing Ideas at your local library. You can also purchase it on Amazon for your Kindle or as a paperback.

Friendfluence by Carlin Flora

     I picked up Friendfluence by Carlin Flora (Psychology Today) after spotting its simple, yet eye-catching cover art of a ring of varying colors of leaves touching edges. As your eyes follow the circle, the colors gradually fade from one to the next to the next seamlessly. Where the green and red leaves aren't necessarily touching, they're still in the same network, much like we are all connected through a friend who knows a friend who knows a friend.

     You might have picked up from the title or my opening bit that this book is about people, more specifically the people we call friends. The clever title Friendfluence refers to, as described in the book, "...the powerful and often unappreciated role that friends - past and present - play in determining our sense of self and the direction of our lives." Or more simply, the influence our friends have on us.

     Throughout the first few chapters, Friendfluence explores our social behaviors based on temperaments, peers and adults in our proximity from birth through adolescence. The logic is peppered with real-life personal accounts from various people from around the world that clearly illustrate, and prove, topics being discussed. In addition to personal accounts are the professional quotes and opinions from others in Flora's field studying social relations and behaviors.

     The remainder of the book explores the benefits, the joys, the consequences and tribulations of friendships as adults. Not surprisingly, as a millennial, I found Chapter 7 on social media and internet friendships to be the most intriguing. Though I maintain friendships in real life in two jobs, I have moved around so much I have friends splattered in my Iowa high school's town, Missouri, Kansas and just a few overseas.

Author Carlin Flora

     I'm thankful for, as well as mindful of, my social media accounts. While well aware they're far from holistic and show typically the better side of a person filtered through the originator's mind, I can occasionally still catch a glimpse of the complete, genuine person I knew in person and have constructed to exist in my mind to this day.

     Perhaps one of the most thought-provoking parts of this book were the lines referring to friends of our past who we keep in touch with but primarily in a nostalgic "look-at-the-times-we-had" kind of way. I've failed to re-calibrate many friendships to the present tense but now find myself challenged to fix this dilemma of "frozen-in-time" friendships.

     Flora's book is sensitive, smart and witty at times. I truly enjoyed, as a gay man, not feeling isolated but very much included in the world which Flora wrote to and about. In her epilogue Flora writes about her soon-to-be-born son saying, "I don't care too much if my son is smart or strong or handsome; I just want him to be friendly." And after reading this book, you'll see how friendliness and a solid, supportive network of friends can lend to those other traits and encourage positive character development as well as physical health.

     This guy is certainly going to work on strengthening friendships, seeking out new ones and focusing on being a better friend as I evaluate my friendships with others and open up conversations about not just this book but all the ideas and truths it holds in the hopes that my friend may also take away some wisdom and inspiration from it.

     Follow author Carlin Flora on Twitter at @carlinf
     Check out Friendfluence by Carlin Flora from your local library or find it on Amazon for your Kindle, as an old-fashioned book or audiobook via Audible.

The Terminal Man: Sir Alfred Mehran

Sir Alfred and belongings at Charles de Gaulle.

I recently finished The Terminal Man, an autobiography by Sir Alfred Mehran also known as Mehran Karimi Nasseri. In case you're not familiar with the name, Alfred is perhaps the most famous homeless man in history. He lived in Terminal One of Charles De Gaulle airport for approximately sixteen years, starting in 1988.

The autobiography itself was unique in the way that language was used. Alfred has a nack for using repetition for emphasis and for explaining some things in more detail than would otherwise be required.

Of all the homeless people I have met in my lifetime, it was encouraging to read this autobiography. For once, someone wasn't asking for money. In fact, on multiple occasions, people offered to send him money to help but he refused - he wasn't taking money from anyone. Food, on the other hand, was the only exception. Food and paper, that is. He kept a journal every day for his stay at Charles de Gaulle in France. The autobiography hardly contains a fraction of those entries.

Learning the background of this man and how he came to be stuck in the airport is a story you yourself should discover. Though this isn't as fast-paced as you might like, read it with respect remembering that the author lived sixteen years on a bench and then brought this perspective to you. You'll be as fascinated as I was to learn how Alfred's home went from nothing to becoming a bench at an airport.

It is my understanding that Steven Spielberg has never officially announced that The Terminal was based on Alfred's life but he did, in fact, pay Alfred $300,000 for rights to Alfred's life story prior to production of The Terminal, starring Tom Hanks and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Therefore, it is my opinion after having read the autobiography and having seen the film that The Terminal is based on the situation of Sir Alfred Mehran.

If you've seen the movie and want to learn more about where the idea came from, read this book. You're sure to finish the last page with a new perspective on government, life and appreciation for the simple things.

Openly Bob by Bob Smith

Bob Smith, gay comedian and author, compiled a book of his essays entitled “Openly Bob.” I recently finished the book and, unfortunately, discovered that I have an OCD quirk that hinders my ability to enjoy literature. Because all of the essays could be stand-alone publications, I had a hard time finishing it. William suggested I break every now and then to another book but because of my OCD I had to finish the book. It felt very stop-and-go. However, the format isn’t the book and does not affect its contents.

Smith’s humor is rich and intoxicating. Upon finishing the many essays, you’re likely to walk away with a new comedic view of everyday situations.

His essays of his life include such topics as coming out to his parents, having a boyfriend (Tom, whom the collection is dedicated to) and introducing him to his parents, travelling, antique-shopping behaviors, bird-watching, hurricane-survival and friendships in Provincetown, auditioning for films, family loss and mourning, turbulence in relationships and trying to survive in big cities with little dollars among others.

My favorite essay is Hurricane Bob, the essay of the aforementioned hurricane that struck Bob’s temporary home in Provincetown during one of his summers there doing stand-up at a bar. His housemates, also gay or lesbian, were a fun cast of characters and seemed to all have their quirks and talents – and some not-so-talented but feeling otherwise. The family-like feeling came through the words strongly and it was comforting to see such a diverse range of people living and sharing together. From the preparation for the hurricane to the aftermath, these people bonded and supported one another and kept a friendship alive and burning long after their parting.

If you don’t mind reading many mini-stories in one book, you’ll appreciate the humor if nothing else and most likely you’ll be able to relate. I promise you’ll chuckle at least once in each chapter if not each page. Bob has lived an interesting, exciting life and you’re sure to be inspired by its telling.