Friendfluence by Carlin Flora

     I picked up Friendfluence by Carlin Flora (Psychology Today) after spotting its simple, yet eye-catching cover art of a ring of varying colors of leaves touching edges. As your eyes follow the circle, the colors gradually fade from one to the next to the next seamlessly. Where the green and red leaves aren't necessarily touching, they're still in the same network, much like we are all connected through a friend who knows a friend who knows a friend.

     You might have picked up from the title or my opening bit that this book is about people, more specifically the people we call friends. The clever title Friendfluence refers to, as described in the book, "...the powerful and often unappreciated role that friends - past and present - play in determining our sense of self and the direction of our lives." Or more simply, the influence our friends have on us.

     Throughout the first few chapters, Friendfluence explores our social behaviors based on temperaments, peers and adults in our proximity from birth through adolescence. The logic is peppered with real-life personal accounts from various people from around the world that clearly illustrate, and prove, topics being discussed. In addition to personal accounts are the professional quotes and opinions from others in Flora's field studying social relations and behaviors.

     The remainder of the book explores the benefits, the joys, the consequences and tribulations of friendships as adults. Not surprisingly, as a millennial, I found Chapter 7 on social media and internet friendships to be the most intriguing. Though I maintain friendships in real life in two jobs, I have moved around so much I have friends splattered in my Iowa high school's town, Missouri, Kansas and just a few overseas.

Author Carlin Flora

     I'm thankful for, as well as mindful of, my social media accounts. While well aware they're far from holistic and show typically the better side of a person filtered through the originator's mind, I can occasionally still catch a glimpse of the complete, genuine person I knew in person and have constructed to exist in my mind to this day.

     Perhaps one of the most thought-provoking parts of this book were the lines referring to friends of our past who we keep in touch with but primarily in a nostalgic "look-at-the-times-we-had" kind of way. I've failed to re-calibrate many friendships to the present tense but now find myself challenged to fix this dilemma of "frozen-in-time" friendships.

     Flora's book is sensitive, smart and witty at times. I truly enjoyed, as a gay man, not feeling isolated but very much included in the world which Flora wrote to and about. In her epilogue Flora writes about her soon-to-be-born son saying, "I don't care too much if my son is smart or strong or handsome; I just want him to be friendly." And after reading this book, you'll see how friendliness and a solid, supportive network of friends can lend to those other traits and encourage positive character development as well as physical health.

     This guy is certainly going to work on strengthening friendships, seeking out new ones and focusing on being a better friend as I evaluate my friendships with others and open up conversations about not just this book but all the ideas and truths it holds in the hopes that my friend may also take away some wisdom and inspiration from it.

     Follow author Carlin Flora on Twitter at @carlinf
     Check out Friendfluence by Carlin Flora from your local library or find it on Amazon for your Kindle, as an old-fashioned book or audiobook via Audible.